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"Otono no Rio"


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Foto: Maarten Zeehandelaar

“Black hole sun, won't you come”

When I was young, about fourteen or so, I had a daydream which I conjured up a lot. A planet-sized comet would ever so slightly graze our globe, the impact of which would tilt it about 45 degrees with respect to its current position. How's that for a climate change?! Natural disaster at its fairest: changing the lives of everyone on this planet, not just the sorry buggers around the equator that always seemed (and seem) to draw the short straw.

The foundation for this daydream was, of course, my teenage self-esteem and the lack thereof. I felt I was a natural born coward, but could not exactly prove this. It was more of a hunch, based on some childhood incidents which varied in traumatic degree. These incidents were always prompted by fellow humans. A fact that led me to believe that people are false by nature, though not on a daily basis, but yes, especially in the absence of any foreseeable, serious repercussions. This belief led to my conviction that truly determining one's cowardliness or bravery could not be done under human induced circumstances – the outcome would be as false as the people who had created those circumstances.

A natural disaster of the magnitude of my daydream however, would be a whole different ball game. It would wreck us all, but leave space for true bravery, true instinct, true humanity, and of course also for true baseness, evil and treacherous falseness. The difference with the present being, that all the good and the bad would be propelled by survival instincts and not, for instance, racial, religious, territorial or economic hatred. This tilting of the earth would level us all and become the ultimate source for self-knowledge, proving our images of Self true or false once and for all.

Finally, peace, albeit in the midst of horrendous turmoil.

I felt pretty bad about the daydream. Plunging all of you into madness and distress just for the sake of my own whiny self. It was proof to me that I was indeed human: no matter how gentle and friendly, deep down really mean and self-centered to the bone.

But seeing this autumnised Rio I realise that, one, it really wouldn't look anything like this, and two, that my daydream was actually a great comfort.
It was not a dream of disaster.
It was a dream of hope.

Texto por: Peter-Jan Vermeij

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Copyright © 2010-2015 Maarten Zeehandelaar.